Recovery
by museme87
Summary: A series centered on missing moments in season two that deal with Brian, Justin, and the bashing.
1. The Night Stands Still

****This series is a 37-part drabble series done for InsaneJournal's Gusmas 2011 challenge. For each 100 word drabble written, a dollar is donated to a charity to support LGBT teens who are homeless. The challenge calls for each drabble to be based on a daily prompt and that it consist of exactly 100 words. I'll include the prompt with each drabble along with any warnings and notes. Enjoy!

...

**Prompt(s):** Nov. 25th - Thankful  
><strong>Warnings:<strong> This part deals with the night of Justin's bashing

* * *

><p>He doesn't believe in God.<p>

At least, not like Debbie or Joan.

But as he sits in the lumpy chair in UPMC's waiting room, he wants to believe. Brian wants to think that their God wouldn't take a kid like Sunshine. Not yet. Not when he's just started living.

The hours creep on though, painfully steady. Jen's barely keeping it together across the room. Justin's asshole father hasn't sat down since arriving.

Then it finally happens.

Brian hears the surgeon's clinical voice, the words _critical_ and _touch-and-go_.

He's overwhelmed, just really fucking grateful that no one said _that_ word.

_Dead_.


	2. Hollowed

**Prompt(s):** Nov. 26th – Rapid deceleration  
><strong><br>**

* * *

><p>The old Brian Kinney used to pace his life to the fast beat of Babylon's thumpa-thumpa, to the number of tricks he could pick up in a single night, the number of bumps he could hit, the number of drinks he could throw back.<p>

This shell of Brian Kinney paces his life to the ticks of the second hand on a hospital-standard clock. His life is suddenly measured to the beeps of a heart-rate monitor he can barely hear but listens for desperately.

It's been the longest two days of his life.

He never knew time could go so slowly.


	3. Neverland

**Prompt(s):** Nov. 27th – tree image**  
><strong>

* * *

><p>"Thanks for watching Gus."<p>

Brian looks over at Lindsay as she sits next to him on their park bench. Her eyes are worried, but she still manages to put on a smile for him. Her consistency comforts him like a lullaby.

"Have you gone to see him?"

"What for? He's in a fucking coma."

Gus reaches for a falling leaf and babbles, his mother cooing back to him.

"Does that mean you won't ever visit me if I'm in one?"

His gut twists with the thought. "Don't say that, Wendy."

She kisses his cheek softly. "It's going to be alright."


	4. Learning Curve

**Prompt(s):** Nov. 28th – Restless  
><strong><br>**

* * *

><p>The predictability of his life makes him antsy now.<p>

Wake. Work. Home. Woody's. Booze. Bump. Babylon. Trick.

Brian had always appreciated having a routine before because he could never guess the state of the Kinney household from day to day as a boy. The tricks he'd turned gave him enough variety so life didn't become boring, but his set schedule had kept him from being a nervous wreck.

Then Sunshine came along.

Suddenly. Unpredictably.

Justin taught him that spontaneity could be a good thing.

A swing of a bat three days ago taught him better.

But he can't go back.


	5. Close Calls

**Prompt(s):** Nov. 29th – The last time

* * *

><p>Justin's heart nearly stops beating four days after prom from an allergic reaction to his new meds.<p>

Brian's in the room when it happens.

One minute he's uneasily looking at Justin's chart—unable to look at Sunshine himself—and the next the beep-beep that he's set his own pulse to drops to a buzz. The doctors push him away, and he leans against the wall, shocked, watching as Justin dies on him a second time.

Only Justin survives, again.

It's all too much to handle. This kid tugs at his heartstrings, and Brian decides it's time to leave.

For good.


	6. The Blame Game

**Prompt(s):** Nov. 30th – The truth hurts

* * *

><p><strong><strong>Brian has to go back to the hospital. The nightmares drive him there, tear at him and blur his reality. He needs to know if Justin is really alive or not.

He is. Still in a coma, but not dying.

"I thought I told you to get the hell out and never come back."

Brian turns to find Craig Taylor in the doorway.

"You did this to him! You might as well have swung that fucking bat."

Something in Brian's mind snaps. He doesn't want to believe it, but the way his heart splinters tells him it must be true.


	7. Walking Disaster

**Prompt(s):** Dec. 1st – You are like a hurricane

* * *

><p>Craig Taylor's words haunt him, and the only way they go away is if he drinks himself unconscious. Brian starts going through life like a walking natural disaster. He alienates his friends, turns tricks by the dozen, and holes himself up in his loft.<p>

It all comes to a head one morning when Lindsay wakes him up from a pool of his own vomit on his bathroom floor. She helps him into the shower and then tucks him into bed as she always had in college after a rough night.

She doesn't say anything about it.

She doesn't have to.


	8. Mother's Touch

**Prompt(s):** Dec 2nd — Ice  
><strong><br>**

* * *

><p>"What the fuck is this?"<p>

Sitting in the booth, Deb cocks an eyebrow. "It's called ice cream."

Brian's sure that there is some ice cream in there somewhere, buried beneath heaps of whipped cream, nuts, and syrup.

"I don't eat dairy. It's fattening."

"Well the way I hear it, you've been doing nothing but drinking and popping your meals lately." She scowls, unrelenting. "So you can afford it."

He takes a bite just to make her happy.

"You remember when I used to make you sundaes when you were a kid?"

Brian does.

Every time he came to her broken.


	9. News

**Prompt(s):** Dec 3rd—airport photo  
><strong><br>**

* * *

><p>The call comes while he's working on the Liberty Air campaign.<p>

"Brian?"

"Vic?"

Vic never calls him. Brian assumes the worst—something's happened to Deb or Mikey.

"No, it's nothing like that," Vic says. "Sis wanted me to call and tell you the news. Justin woke up about an hour ago."

Brian can hardly wrap his mind around it. The doctors said that the longer Justin was in a coma, the less likely he was to come out of it. Brian had assumed that—two weeks in—Justin probably wouldn't ever wake-up.

He's never been so relieved to be wrong.


	10. At A Distance

**Prompt(s):** Dec 4th—I dare you  
><strong>Notes:<strong> This was a particularly difficult drab with the prompt, but I hope that Brian's unspoken dare/challenge to Justin to get better so they can be together again comes across well enough. And the additional challenge to himself to stay away from Justin until he gets better.

* * *

><p>It's strange seeing him awake when yesterday he was lying there motionless. Until tonight, Brian never understood just how badly he wanted to talk with him again. Because before, he didn't know if it would ever be an option.<p>

Miguel told him that Justin is frustrated, refuses to talk to the occupational therapist. Sunshine's also asked to see him.

It would be easy to give Sunshine what he wants, but Brian won't make it easy for him.

If Justin wants him, he's going to have to work for it.

No matter how much that challenge is going to kill Brian.


	11. On The Outside Looking In

**Prompt(s):** Dec 5th—outside

* * *

><p><strong><strong>Thirty-six days—that's how long he's waited here, on the outside, just watching and waiting. It kills him to see Justin sleep fitfully, to listen to Justin's screams. Brian wants to crawl into the slender bed with him, hold him and tell him that it's okay. Even though it's not and never will be.

He holds silent vigil for Justin in this cold, plastic chair and wonders if tonight is the night he's going to say _fuck it_. But Justin's making incredible progress with him at a distance, just as Brian expected he would.

So he waits for another night.


	12. A Long Time Coming

**Prompt(s):** Dec 6th—towel photo

* * *

><p><strong><strong>"Brian Kinney, you open this goddamn door right now."

He does, but only because Deb doesn't take no for an answer. Brian steadies himself against the door jamb—securing his post-shower towel around his waist—and waits for the inevitable lecture.

It never comes.

"I just wanted to stop by. See how you were doing."

"I'm fabulous."

"I doubt that, but you sure can fake it."

She pushes past him, sits on the sofa, and pats the seat next to her. Rolling his eyes, he obliges.

"Sunshine came home today."

He picks at the edge of the towel. "I know."


	13. Binge

**Prompt(s):** Dec 7th—wine  
><strong>Notes:<strong> This one takes place post-2.01.

* * *

><p>The day that Jennifer Taylor tells him to stay away from Justin Brian goes home and drinks.<p>

He starts with a beer, which somehow turns into four. He runs out there and has to turn to the hard liquor that's been his lifeline since the bashing. There's a minor shortage of that in his cabinets for that very reason. As a final resort—when he's so drunk he can barely stand—he turns to the bottle of wine he bought for after prom, the kind that Justin loves.

Except that he trips and the bottle breaks.

And so does Brian.


	14. Trial and Error

**Prompt(s):** Dec 8th—cityscape photo  
><strong>Notes: <strong>This is a missing moment taking place after the failed attempt at sex post-bashing in 2.02.

* * *

><p>He won't lie. When he finally gets Justin back, Brian wants to fuck him. They'd barely touched for two months, which for them might as well be a lifetime.<p>

So when Justin can't, Brian feels gutted.

He gets Sunshine back into bed after he stands outside the bathroom, helpless, for twenty minutes. They can't do anything, though. At least, nothing Brian ever considered worthwhile.

Maybe he needs to redefine worth with Sunshine.

He pulls Justin against him and, hesitant, asks, "This okay?"

"I think."

And for the first time, they hold each other—bathed in the city lights—and drift.


	15. Adjustments

**Prompt(s):** Dec 9th—books  
><strong>Notes:<strong> This takes place post-failed sex attempt but before the recreation of the dance in 2.02; for the sake of the drabs, assume that there were several days between these scenes (we have no reason to think there wasn't).

* * *

><p>Brian spends his days worrying about whether or not Justin is doing okay at home when he should be worrying about ad campaigns. There's only so much to do at the loft, and it's already clear that Justin is afraid of leaving, even if he says otherwise.<p>

So on his way home, Brian stops at some hole-in-the-wall bookstore that he and Mikey used to go to as kids. The moment he starts scanning the shelves, he realizes his error.

He never took the time to learn what Justin likes to read. And the only safe bet—art—isn't safe anymore.


	16. Knocked Down

**Prompt(s):** Dec 10th—Lost in the city  
><strong>Notes:<strong> This takes place post-failed sex attempt but before the recreation of the dance in 2.02; for the sake of the drabs, assume that there were several days between these scenes (we have no reason to think there wasn't).

* * *

><p>"Justin?"<p>

" Sorry…I…Brian…," Justin says on the other end of the line.

"What's wrong?"

"I didn't mean to. I just thought maybe…

"Sunshine, you're freaking me out."

His heart hammers against his ribcage. Brian hears Justin swallow hard through the phone, hears the uneven tone of his voice as if he's on the verge of a panic attack.

"I left the loft. There's this new café just a few blocks away I heard about, but the street's so packed…I can't…"

"Where are you?"

"The Blockbuster by the loft."

Brian rushes towards his office door. "Don't move. I'm on my way."


	17. Derailed

**Prompt(s):** Dec 11th—Out from under  
><strong>Notes:<strong> I interpreted the prompt "out from under" as an expression of surprise, like the idiom. Note that we're not quite to the dance scene in 2.02 yet.

* * *

><p>"How was therapy today?" Brian asks, popping a beer.<p>

Justin shrugs from where he sits on the sofa, staring ahead at a blank tv screen. It's Brian's first sign that something's up. Brian doesn't press the issue, despite how he wants to. Fortunately, mid-way through the news, Justin speaks up.

"Dad picked me up."

Brian's eyes snap to Justin, wide with shock. "Your fucking father?"

"Mhmm. He told me that this was a sign I ought to stop pursuing art."

Brian could kill Craig, especially because he thinks it has Justin questioning his ability.

"You can't. It's who you are."


	18. Desperate Times

**Prompt(s):** Dec 12th—bite me  
><strong>Notes:<strong> Note that we're not quite to the dance scene in 2.02 yet.

* * *

><p>Craig gets to Justin in a way that Justin never let him before, and Brian doesn't know how to fix it. He tries everything he can think of, even—and he shudders to think about it—some flowers. None of it convinces Justin to let it go.<p>

So he tries sex. Again.

Brian shifts behind Justin, kisses beneath his ear, down his neck. Sunshine turns over, meets his mouth in a blind desperation. Tongues tangle, teeth bite down on kiss-swollen lips. Brian thinks he finally has him. But when Brian grinds their hips together, Justin says it.

"Sorry, I can't."


	19. Romanced

**Prompt(s):** Dec 13th—don't sell me short  
><strong>Notes:<strong> Post-2.02 dance scene.

* * *

><p>"You really did all that?"<p>

Brian rolls over, half-asleep, to face Justin. Initially, he isn't even sure what Justin is talking about, but those confused, yet love-sick puppy eyes give him a clue. Prom, and everything that came out this afternoon with Daphne.

"Yeah."

"But you hate anything even remotely romantic."

Yes, he does. Not necessarily for the reasons that everyone might think, though. He hates romance because it's breeder-defined. His ideas aren't the same as theirs, and he won't live his life by them. But that doesn't mean he can't, for the right person.

"Don't sell me short, Sunshine."


	20. Sonnyboy

**Prompt(s):** Dec 14th—like father, like son

**Notes:** We're now between the dance scene of 2.02 and the post-bashing sex.

* * *

><p><em>Nothing's wrong. I'm fine.<em>

They're words that Brian has come to loathe since the bashing. He'd assumed that moving Justin in with him again would have a negative effect on their non-relationship, that he'd remember all the little reasons why he didn't want Justin around to begin with.

In the end, it's not the random sock on the sofa or wet footprints on the bathroom floor. It's those mother fucking words.

Justin isn't fine. He's just putting on a show for everyone and bottling it up inside.

Brian would recognize it quicker than anyone.

Because he's the master at it.


	21. Triggered

**Prompt(s):** Dec 15th—gift image  
><strong>Notes:<strong> We're now at Gus' birthday in 2.02. And it's important to note here that I've always interpreted that memory recovery as only a partial one—regaining the memory of the actual bashing in the garage but not the dance.

* * *

><p>In the end, he never expected Justin to be triggered by one of Gus' birthday gifts. If he'd known something so random could've done it, Brian would have paid more attention to Justin's surroundings. But he hadn't, and now he's left to try and make things right.<p>

"This doesn't look like the bathroom."

"I lied."

No shit.

He kneels in front of the rocking chair and takes Sunshine's hands. Justin refuses to look at him, so Brian squeezes to get his attention. Justin glances down at him with water-logged eyes.

"That's not the part I wanted to remember," Justin whispers.


	22. Temporary Loss of Sanity

**Prompt(s):** Dec 16th—table  
><strong>Notes:<strong> This is post-2.02, pre-2.03.

* * *

><p>Fucking Justin for the first time in three months feels a hell of a lot like winning the lottery. And winning the lottery, well, it makes people do crazy shit.<p>

That's really the only way Brian can rationalize this—sitting at the table of one of Pittsburgh's finest restaurants, across from Justin who is wrinkling his nose at everything on the menu.

"So is this like a date?" Justin asks casually, eyes still fixed on the menu.

Brian shrugs, skimming the wine list. "I don't know."

Sunshine looks up, smiling. "Oh my god. It is. This is our first date!"


	23. Forgotten

**Prompt(s):** Dec 17th—forgotten  
><strong>Notes:<strong> This is post-2.02, pre-2.03.

* * *

><p>After what Justin has dubbed their "first date", Sunshine has a rough week. Brian isn't sure what brought it on. All he knows is that Justin needs out of crowded Pittsburgh for a few days.<p>

They're on their way up to Cook Forest to stay at Jack's cabin when it happens. The radio station they're listening to starts playing the "oldies at noon" and The Drifters come on.

_That_ song comes on, and Brian's heart stops.

Panicked, he looks at Justin—expecting something—but it's as if it's any other song to him.

Sometimes Brian forgets that Justin doesn't remember.


	24. Improvement

**Prompt(s):** Dec 18th—cabin image  
><strong>Notes:<strong> This is post-2.02, pre-2.03.

* * *

><p>Brian never had a good memory from the times he spent at his father's cabin. At least, not before this weekend.<p>

Four hours into their stay, the power goes out from an Autumn storm. It's not Brian's idea of a great time, but Sunshine makes it work.

They set up candles for light—it looks nauseatingly romantic—and spend the better part of the night sucking and fucking. Slowly. Meaningfully.

Slipping inside Sunshine, Brian can't help but wonder if coming here has helped Justin.

But when Justin sleeps soundly for the first time since the bashing, Brian has his answer.


	25. Unwelcome

**Prompt(s):** Dec 19th—unexpected surprise  
><strong>Notes:<strong> This is post-2.02, pre-2.03.

* * *

><p>"What was that about?" Justin asks, straddling him as soon as he comes back to bed. "Is Gus alright?"<p>

Brian runs his hands up Justin's thighs. "Sonnyboy is fine."

"Well?"

"You know how we talked about spending the rest of the week up here?" Brian says, groaning. "Skipping work and fucking each other's brains out?"

"Yeah."

"Guess who's receiving the GLC's hero award this year? And guess whose balls are being threatened by munchers if he doesn't show?"

Sunshine's expression turns heavy at the mention of Pittsburgh. Brian can't blame him; he was enjoying their cabin in sinful paradise, too.


End file.
